Tuesday 30 August 2016

Flowers and trees

Stems of serenity in a hellish world. Flowers and trees, to bring you back to reality.
To the promise of your lord that will come true.

R.S.

Tuesday 28 June 2016

right now im looking out of my windows
the top of the sky is a glowing peach pink
a bird is out alone
but it is free
flying so gracefully
sumersaulghting and gliding
it has worries
but more trust
more trust than most of us humans
that its creator will guide it to its next meal
and guide it safely
guide it back home to its young who all the while it left out in the open
but it had trust in the giver of life
Al-Muhyi
the cherisher
our rabb

Blessed

simple life
simple pleasures
a moment of peace is all i need
the calm in the eye of the storm
to realize
to solve
the million dollar question
the endless search
its as simple as breathing
breathe in
breathe out
close your eyes
feel your heartbeat
now look around you
clothes
food
water
everything else is a luxury
you are Alaadin
and this is your cave of wonders


R.S.

Nomad soul



My eyes are longing for a place I haven't seen
My ears desperate for the sounds
My mouth tingling for the taste
My body is hungry for the air I haven't yet breathed
and my heart is missing a city I am a stranger to



If not in this life I have faith in my lord that in the next, he will allow me to become the greatest explorer that ever lived.

R.S.

Sunday 19 June 2016

Mourning

Today I mourned.
I mourned for friendships and
I mourned for memories and
I mourned for love.
I mourned despite the absence of physical death.
I mourned because things would be different now.

R.S.

Wednesday 18 May 2016

Scars

What is this body but a shell?
Delicate and disposable
It can be burnt bruised or broken but to me it doesn’t matter
To my sisters living with the scars of the acid the cowards threw at you
They call you disfigured but in my eyes now you are real and whole
The perfect you
Without the shell which could be painted and decorated distracting the world from your true self
Oh my dear sister now you shine through
A dazzling star
Your beauty is raw and undeserving of the people
But I am telling you I see it
And God sees it.
Surgery and suicide
Your scars are your strength
So wear them proudly
Like a solider put on your Armour
Every stretch mark and scratch screams a story that is too loud for the people to hear
Let them cover their ears
But I am listening
And so is God.


R.S.



Thursday 7 April 2016

Letting go



Today I am letting you go. Not with my heart but with my hands. For the hands can cause destruction. In the depths of my heart and mind I will bury you. I will bury you in-between the waves of consciousness and unconsciousness. A place where forgetting is as easy as closing your eyes. I will bury you in a box with a lock to which only God holds the key. For if I leave you to flutter around the walls of my fragile heart, it will be fooled into believing it has found its equal.  

Tuesday 5 April 2016

'You are not beautiful enough for me'

The words no girl wants to hear

“You are not beautiful enough for me”

I am not going to say who exactly these words were uttered by, when, or even why. But what I will tell you is that they were not uttered by a lover, admirer or even good friend. We were neither to each other. So it might seem strange why they were said. To be honest it’s still strange to me even till this day. I was not interested in him and until he spoke those words I didn’t for a second imagine that the thought of us being together ever crossed his mind. My very first after thought was “huh, well you’re no Leonardo Di Capiro yourself mate”. Let’s stop. This right here, his ruthless verbal expression for his distaste in my appearance, and my mental distaste of his is in my opinion, the number one problem facing young men and women when finding a partner. This idea of beauty being the first benchmark one has to meet before they stand a chance. And only once someone has rated at least a 7/10 in our books, will we attempt to open the book and take a look at the first page.

These are the words that also confirmed what I already knew. I was not ready for any kind of relationship. They confirmed this because they stung. The words stung.

Whenever I’m given the tedious task of describing myself using ‘X’ amount of words, the word 'confident' more often than not makes the list. But in that moment confidence didn’t matter. What he said hurt. Not only in that second but afterwards too. In the days following I found myself retreating more and more into the self-conscious teenager I thought I’d forgotten how to be a long time ago. Beneath the peaks of arrogance, scoffing and denial of what he said I was losing a war with myself. I was becoming critical of something I did not choose, couldn’t fundamentally change and something that even the most stunning of people will one day loose- their looks.

I am not for a second denying that levels of attraction in any partner we have are important. And even my religion of Islam does not disregard that. But it emphasizes above physical attraction a type of attraction that rather than withering over the years, will blossom and bloom year after year. An attraction that we can only determine exists between us after getting to know someone. After closing the eyes and allowing the third inner eye to see someone. The problem was not in his opinion in me. It’s OK not to find someone attractive. But the problem lay in the fact that he verbalised it. The second you verbalise a thought like that it has the potential to harm. Funnily enough not long after very firmly stating his random disinterest in me, the same boy ended up asking me to marry him. I was shocked as you are no doubt too. He apologised for his stupidity claiming he’d now seen how 'beautiful' I was on the inside. The same boy who said I wasn't physically attractive enough for his standards now claimed I was precious and rare, one of a kind.  My intelligence, my humour, my love for others, even my voice attracted him and now my looks were becoming less important….. Safe to say I quietly declined his offer.

A year and a half on from when those words escaped from his mouth, and the sound waves reached my ears and into my body those words left a hole, in that hole now grows a flower. A flower that survives only when I water it. The flower although small, has deep roots which grow deeper every day. They keep me together and whole. The wholeness isn’t dependent on value, praise or compliments from anyone but myself. A self-respecting women isn’t in need of that.


“You are not beautiful enough for me”


I said those are the words no girl wants to hear. But now as a women hearing them I shrug. Oh well. I’m beautiful enough for me. 

Today I am 21

21 years old but how many the wiser?
21 years my body has aged but how many has my soul?
The number could be less or even more
I wish I had a blueprint, a scan, a diagram of some kind…anything to show me
The premature cracks and wrinkles that maybe etched around my soul from the sorrow I have seen that has aged me before my time
Or maybe layers of dust from the years I neglected it
Today I am 21 years old
But how many years counted and how many must I have wasted…
All these years did I really believe time was in my hands?
Time
Time
Tick tock
Time
I wonder how much time
Until I begin to live like I have no time
And also all the time
Actions of urgency blanketed in a peacefulness
Actions of meaning
Importance
Consideration
And Strength
But carried out in the gentlest and sweetest of ways
Palatable to all
An ambition too high? I can never know

At age 21 I have understood 21 things

1-Accepting yourself is hard
2- Accepting others even harder
3- I have no control over anyone but myself
4-it is OK to let other make their own mistakes
5-God really does loves us all
6-He shows his love through tests
7-Most people will misinterpret his love for hate
8-I cannot control how anyone views their world
9-It is up to Allah to guide
10-I don’t know why he chose to guide me
11- Guidance is my greatest gift
12-My life is already written
13-Allah knows best
14-I have to accept, love and trust God's plan
15-My tongue is my biggest enemy
16-My tongue is my greatest ally
17-life is long and hard and uphill
18- But Life hasn’t even begun
19-I want everyone to feel peace
20-Guidance can be taken away from me at any time
21-I need to keep asking for it

At age 21 I feel I have a lot to give
But even more to learn.


R.S.




Friday 12 February 2016

A conversation with the moon

Please Mr Moon, please don't leave.
For as long as I can gaze up at you the burdens upon my heart feel light. You remind me of his face, although I've never seen it and keep me from drowning into the night of my own making.
I'm sorry dear soul leave I must. But don't fret I promise I'll be back soon. In the meantime search for my friend.

Oh Sun! Glorious Sun! I wish you'd never leave. Your blazing light humbles yet exalts me reminding me I'm alive. As long as you're here I will never frown.
I'm sorry dear soul but leave I must. I've dried this land enough and my presence missed elsewhere. In the meantime I think you need some rain.


Rain. How I adore you rain. When I hear your tapping and feel your coolness I can't help but feel my sins are being washed away. Please stay! Don't go! Your friends have all left me and without you I fear I will lose my way. 
Oh poor soul. Aren't our combined tears enough? Water is short elsewhere so leave I must.



Oh foolish girl climb back onto my rope and hold firm! Don't you see It's because I love you I send you these signs and then take them away. I adorn the sky with lamps and pour mercy from the heavens only to remind you of me. Your test was in remembering me when they were no longer there. Do not cry reassured soul but only for me. My love for you will never end. I'm here. Always here. I'll send your friends back soon. Look at them and remember me, and know that I too am remembering you.
R.S.

Saturday 23 January 2016

Old Friends

You disturbed the peace of my heart,
So I gave you up.
Please do not loath me for this,
For your company I will surely miss.
I'll pray for you and wish you well,
You're my sister.
You're my brother.
But alas, some hearts were not meant to bond

Our lord tells us this,
That our souls have all met,
An encounter we don't recall.
I like to imagine our souls as animals.
Although the lion and the mouse live in the same place,
Walk the same ground,
A friendship between them would never work.
Even if they tried one day the lion would trample the mouse.
Or I see our souls as colors.
Although a sky blue and fierce red compliment each other,
In essence they are different.
Too different.


Our souls are stubborn and almost impossible to change.
We know this about our own,
So why don't we accept this for others?
Patience can only take you so far,
Tolerance can only take you so far,
Some souls were just never meant to meet.
As much as we try to push such unions,
They will always lack peace,
Tranquility.
So don't be sad old friend,
Please don't be sad,
Be free!
I have freed us both.
There are plenty of other souls just like you,
You will find them.
Stay brave,
And strong.
Don't become a stranger to your own soul,
And fight against it.
Instead close your eyes,
And allow it to drown you.
There is treasure inside us all.
A longing.
For peace..
Utter peace
But this peace is also made of fire and is strong,
The kind of peace that temporary happiness cannot kindle.
Search for it.
I'm searching too.

R.S. 





Tuesday 19 January 2016

Foolish Heart

Oh foolish heart!
When will you learn?
That the love you seek is coming
So patiently wait your turn
Oh foolish heart,
Did you again forget?
Those feelings of sadness and regret
What about the days you wept?
Alas you'll always be a fool
And fools are always fooled

R.S.