The words no girl wants to hear
“You are not
beautiful enough for me”
I am not going to say who exactly these words were uttered
by, when, or even why. But what I will tell you is that they were not uttered
by a lover, admirer or even good friend. We were neither to each other. So it
might seem strange why they were said. To be honest it’s still strange to me
even till this day. I was not interested in him and until he spoke those words
I didn’t for a second imagine that the thought of us being together ever crossed
his mind. My very first after thought was “huh, well you’re no Leonardo Di
Capiro yourself mate”. Let’s stop. This right here, his ruthless verbal
expression for his distaste in my appearance, and my mental distaste of his is
in my opinion, the number one problem facing young men and women when finding a
partner. This idea of beauty being the first benchmark one has to meet before
they stand a chance. And only once someone has rated at least a 7/10 in our
books, will we attempt to open the book and take a look at the first page.
These are the words that also confirmed what I already knew.
I was not ready for any kind of relationship. They confirmed this because they
stung. The words stung.
Whenever I’m given the tedious task of describing myself
using ‘X’ amount of words, the word 'confident' more often than not makes the list.
But in that moment confidence didn’t matter. What he said hurt. Not only in
that second but afterwards too. In the days following I found myself retreating
more and more into the self-conscious teenager I thought I’d forgotten how to
be a long time ago. Beneath the peaks of arrogance, scoffing and denial of what
he said I was losing a war with myself. I was becoming critical of something I did not
choose, couldn’t fundamentally change and something that even the most stunning
of people will one day loose- their looks.
I am not for a second denying that levels of attraction
in any partner we have are important. And even my religion of Islam does not
disregard that. But it emphasizes above physical attraction a type of attraction
that rather than withering over the years, will blossom and bloom year after
year. An attraction that we can only determine exists between us after getting
to know someone. After closing the eyes and allowing the third inner eye to see
someone. The problem was not in his opinion in me. It’s OK not to find someone
attractive. But the problem lay in the fact that he verbalised it. The second
you verbalise a thought like that it has the potential to harm. Funnily enough
not long after very firmly stating his random disinterest in me, the same boy
ended up asking me to marry him. I was shocked as you are no doubt too. He apologised for his stupidity claiming he’d
now seen how 'beautiful' I was on the inside. The same boy who said I wasn't physically attractive enough for his standards now claimed I was precious and rare, one of
a kind. My intelligence, my humour, my
love for others, even my voice attracted him and now my looks were becoming
less important….. Safe to say I quietly declined his offer.
A year and a half on from when those words escaped from his
mouth, and the sound waves reached my ears and into my body those words left a
hole, in that hole now grows a flower. A flower that survives only when I water
it. The flower although small, has deep roots which grow deeper every day. They
keep me together and whole. The wholeness isn’t dependent on value, praise or
compliments from anyone but myself. A self-respecting women isn’t in need of
that.
“You are not
beautiful enough for me”
I said those are the words no girl wants to hear. But now as a women hearing them I shrug. Oh
well. I’m beautiful enough for me.
