Today I am 21

21 years old but how many the wiser?

21 years my body has aged but how many has my soul?

The number could be less or even more

I wish I had a blueprint, a scan, a diagram of some kind…anything to show me

The premature cracks and wrinkles that maybe etched around my soul from the sorrow I have seen that has aged me before my time

Or maybe layers of dust from the years I neglected it

Today I am 21 years old

But how many years counted and how many must I have wasted…

All these years did I really believe time was in my hands?

Time

Time

Tick tock

Time

I wonder how much time

Until I begin to live like I have no time

And also all the time

Actions of urgency blanketed in a peacefulness

Actions of meaning

Importance

Consideration

And Strength

But carried out in the gentlest and sweetest of ways

Palatable to all

An ambition too high? I can never know

At age 21 I have understood 21 things

1-Accepting yourself is hard
2- Accepting others even harder
3- I have no control over anyone but myself
4-it is OK to let other make their own mistakes
5-God really does loves us all
6-He shows his love through tests
7-Most people will misinterpret his love for hate
8-I cannot control how anyone views their world
9-It is up to Allah to guide
10-I don’t know why he chose to guide me
11- Guidance is my greatest gift
12-My life is already written
13-Allah knows best
14-I have to accept, love and trust God's plan
15-My tongue is my biggest enemy
16-My tongue is my greatest ally
17-life is long and hard and uphill
18- But Life hasn’t even begun
19-I want everyone to feel peace
20-Guidance can be taken away from me at any time
21-I need to keep asking for it

At age 21 I feel I have a lot to give
But even more to learn.

R.S.

A conversation with the moon

Please Mr Moon, please don't leave.
For as long as I can gaze up at you the burdens upon my heart feel light. You remind me of his face, although I've never seen it and keep me from drowning into the night of my own making.
I'm sorry dear soul leave I must. But don't fret I promise I'll be back soon. In the meantime search for my friend.

Oh Sun! Glorious Sun! I wish you'd never leave. Your blazing light humbles yet exalts me reminding me I'm alive. As long as you're here I will never frown.
I'm sorry dear soul but leave I must. I've dried this land enough and my presence missed elsewhere. In the meantime I think you need some rain.

Rain. How I adore you rain. When I hear your tapping and feel your coolness I can't help but feel my sins are being washed away. Please stay! Don't go! Your friends have all left me and without you I fear I will lose my way. 

Oh poor soul. Aren't our combined tears enough? Water is short elsewhere so leave I must.

Oh foolish girl climb back onto my rope and hold firm! Don't you see It's because I love you I send you these signs and then take them away. I adorn the sky with lamps and pour mercy from the heavens only to remind you of me. Your test was in remembering me when they were no longer there. Do not cry reassured soul but only for me. My love for you will never end. I'm here. Always here. I'll send your friends back soon. Look at them and remember me, and know that I too am remembering you.

R.S.

Old Friends

You disturbed the peace of my heart,

So I gave you up.

Please do not loath me for this,

For your company I will surely miss.

I'll pray for you and wish you well,

You're my sister.

You're my brother.

But alas, some hearts were not meant to bond

Our lord tells us this,

That our souls have all met,

An encounter we don't recall.

I like to imagine our souls as animals.

Although the lion and the mouse live in the same place,

Walk the same ground,

A friendship between them would never work.

Even if they tried one day the lion would trample the mouse.

Or I see our souls as colors.

Although a sky blue and fierce red compliment each other,

In essence they are different.

Too different.

Our souls are stubborn and almost impossible to change.

We know this about our own,

So why don't we accept this for others?

Patience can only take you so far,

Tolerance can only take you so far,

Some souls were just never meant to meet.

As much as we try to push such unions,

They will always lack peace,

Tranquility.

So don't be sad old friend,

Please don't be sad,

Be free!

I have freed us both.

There are plenty of other souls just like you,

You will find them.

Stay brave,

And strong.

Don't become a stranger to your own soul,

And fight against it.

Instead close your eyes,

And allow it to drown you.

There is treasure inside us all.

A longing.

For peace..

Utter peace

But this peace is also made of fire and is strong,

The kind of peace that temporary happiness cannot kindle.

Search for it.
I'm searching too.

R.S. 

Foolish Heart

Oh foolish heart!
When will you learn?
That the love you seek is coming
So patiently wait your turn
Oh foolish heart,
Did you again forget?
Those feelings of sadness and regret
What about the days you wept?
Alas you'll always be a fool
And fools are always fooled

R.S.

I am lost.

I don’t know where I’m going

There are many destinations

But each seems so far away

And too hard to obtain

It is dark too

And cloudy

But the clouds are in my head

Sometimes I see a light

But the light only appears after a blow to my head
Or a blow to my heart

It is only when I am broken do I find the light

The light is like a path of its own

When I follow it every other destination seems futile

I feel nothing and everything at once

Peace

But the path is uphill

And slippery

And I keep on falling

Fall

Fall

I am falling

When I fall I forget the light

It becomes like a flickering lamp in a misty forest

It becomes like a light you want to shield your eyes from

The irritating kind

But it is still hard to forget

It always flickers in the back of my mind

It is easier to forget because most around me ignore the light

They are all walking, running, even dancing on the other path

In masses

They say it’s the path to freedom and peace

But sometimes it is hard to believe

When all I see are corpses

And people who may as well be

There is intoxication to escape from reality

There is blood

And people are dying

Why are they dying?

Nobody is stopping

Even the strongest are defeated and tired

Puppets and dogs on strings

But all are holding signs

Saying that they are happy

I don’t understand

There is a book

And a man

Many men and women

Whom history tells us were good and kind

Who told us that isn’t the path to follow

That it only leads to heartbreak

And reminded us this world is but temporary

And it wasn’t designed to carry the most precious and heavy of our possessions

Our hearts

That if we want to break the cycle of heartbreak

Then we must break

Break completely

The ceilings and walls

Of our hearts

And minds

Only then will the fog clear

And we can seize the branch that will never snap

The branch that said it fashioned us gave us due proportion

And breathed in us a light from its own divine light

The light that seemed so familiar yet so alien in the lamp in the misty forest of my head

And when we recognize the lights are from the same source then we will have succeeded

And when we truly love for others what we love for ourselves

And when we greet each other with words of peace

It should be easy

And I wish we always lived this way

But we don’t

And I don’t

And I break

Wishing I did

But it is the breaking which keeps us whole and firm

The breaking symbolises the love from the divine

If we didn’t break then we would find comfort on the wrong path

I like to remember this

When I am lost

I am still lost

But not completely

R.S

She was like the Sun

She was like the Sun,

in the way she lit up the world

She was like the Sun,

 in the way her warmth could be felt without contact

She was like the Sun,

 never failing to give some light despite dark clouds

She was like the Sun even in the way she moved,

 never staying still, never staying put

She was like the Sun in so many ways,

with a light that could heal as well as hurt

Everything all at once

A danger and a blessing,

Liquid molten and sweet honey

She was like the Sun in many ways,

one minute there, one minute gone

But the Sun is a Star,

and a Stars death is as violent as it's birth

Just like the Sun she disorientated

Just like the Sun,

She lit fires

Just like the Sun, 

she was too bright and too intense

Just like the Sun she burnt and left a mark

She was just like the Sun,

demanding to be felt

She was like the Sun even in the way she left,

leaving behind a puzzle to solve, a novel to read, a masterpiece to inspect...

A melting Rainbow...

and bittersweet regret.

R.S

Allah's attributes Series: #1 The Most Patient

This Ramadan and beyond one of the tasks I've set for myself is to increase in my love for Allah. And the only way that's going to happen is by getting to know our creators personality. This mini series will feature my internal reflections about each attribute of our creator.



I was thinking to myself the other day, how much do I really love Allah?  How legitimate is my claim? It's a no brainer when we're asked as a Muslim who do you love the most to just blurt out Allah, ofcourse it's the correct answer but it is a very bold claim to make in my opinion. Love takes time. Love takes effort. Love needs understanding and reflection.
In order for us to love something or someone we need to know about them, the more we get to know the deeper in love we fall. And what better way is there to get to know Allah than to look at the way Allah describes himself through his 99 different names. Today I'm going to discuss an attribute that I think is very rarely discussed, and that is the final 99th name of Allah. 

The next time you’re frustrated at yourself falling off track, 
For that dip in iman,
For those sins on your back,
                                 Just remember one of the beautiful names of Allah SWT-

AS SABUR -The most PATIENT

Lets try to imagine the patience of Allah for a second..subhanallah we can’t. 

 As humans if somebody does something wrong a few times we get so frustrated and angry (I’m talking about myself first and foremost here). But not our creator. He stays patient with, and even showers his mercy on those who deny his very existence. Just let that sink in. Wow. As humans we have only experienced human patience.  We should never try to compare human patience to Allah's patience. Allah’s patience is nothing like human patience. Nothing Allah does is like us. He calls himself the MOST patient. His patience is so great that is cannot be imagined or comprehended by our limited understand as human beings. Allah is reminding us by this attribute not to be disheartened, or despair, because he WILL be patient with us.

Let your heart be assured with that. How beautiful is that when you think about it. No matter   how many times we fall of track Allah will be patient with us.

Allah created us and says in the Holy Quran 

                                         “Should he not know what he created?”
This line gives me so much strength. Allah knows and Allah understands our struggles. We don't have to explain them to him. He knows. 

He is reminding us that he knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows it’s in human nature to fall of the track sometimes. In fact it is Allah who make us this way in the first place as a means to test us. I read the other day that the Prophet Muhammad pbuh said..
“Verily, the hearts of the children of Adam, all of them, are between the two fingers of the Most Merciful as one heart. He directs them wherever he wills".
This made me think. If our hearts are in Allah's control, it is he who allows our hearts to be turned towards him and away from him. It's quite a frightening thought really....

But that brings me on to the next point. We need to get off our backsides, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Just because we know that Allah is the most patient and the turner of the hearts does not mean that we think we can take advantage of that. It doesn’t mean we should just sit there with low iman letting it consume us waiting for inspiration to come flying our way. We need to strive! This is the true jihad my friends- with ourselves. We need to continuously FIGHT with that cheeky little bugger called our nafs, our ego, that just loves to give into every single desire. Be that anger, lust, greed, laziness. We can’t let it win. We need to face the facts people. We’re going to lose sometimes but the true test lies in fighting against it, no matter how many times we fall down, getting ourselves up again and carrying on.  We need to strive to keep ourselves at an acceptable level of iman  by, at least carrying out our fard duties such as praying our daily prayers and Allah WILL be patient with us. We need to have that intention and determination in our hearts that yes I’m lacking in faith at the moment but I going to strive to get it back. That's when we're most deserving of Allah's patience.

Let me finish with this final thought. Just because you're lacking in iman at the moment does not mean that you're a terrible Muslim or that Allah hates you. Do not let these thoughts cross your mind! This is one of shaiytans tricks. When you’re down and sinning he makes you feel like you’re worthless and that Allah probably hates you. He’ll come up to you like “just give up man you’ll never be a good muslim you might as well carrying on sinning”. NO. Just no. Just because you’re not at the level of faith you want to be at at doesn’t mean you should turn your back on Islam even for a second. Perfection doesn’t exist. By our very definition ‘Insaan’ Allah made us imperfect. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect. All he wants from us is to keep turning back to him no matter what.

 And know that he will be there waiting with open arms because he is AS SABUR- the most patient. 


RS.